there is so much more - brett dennen

When I heard the news,
my heart fell on the floor.
I was on a plane on my way to Baltimore.
In these troubled times it’s hard enough as it is.
My soul has a known a better life than this.

I wonder how so many can be in so much pain,
while others don’t seem to feel a thing.
Then I curse my whiteness
and I get so damn depressed.
In a world of suffering,
why should I be so blessed?

I heard about a women who lives in Colorado.
She built a monoment of sorts behind the garage door,
where everyday she prays for all whom are born
and all whose souls have passed on.
Sometimes my trouble gets so thick,
I can’t see how I’m gonna get through it.
But, then I’d rather be stuck up in a tree
then be tied to it.

There is so much more.

I don’t feel comfortable with the way my clothes fit.
I cant get used to my bodys limits.
I got some fancy shoes to try and kick away these blues.
They cost a lot of money but they arent worth a thing.
I wanna free my feet from the broken glass and concrete.
I need to get out of this city.
Lay apon the ground stare a hole in the sky,
wondering where I go when I die.
…When I die.

echoing the original “i am”

“The primary imagination I hold to be the living power and prime agent of all human perception, and as a repetition in the finite mind of the eternal act of creation in the infinite I AM. The secondary I consider as an echo of the former, co-existing with the primary in the kind of its agency, and differing only in degree, and in the mode of its operation. It dissolves, diffuses, dissipates, in order to re-create; or where this process is rendered impossible, yet still, at all events, it struggles to idealize and to unify. It is essentially vital, even as all objects (as objects) are essentially fixed and dead.

Fancy, on the contrary, has no other counters to play with but fixities and definites. The fancy is indeed no other than a mode of memory emancipated from the order of time and space; and blended with, and modified by that empirical phenomenon of the will which we express by the word choice.”

- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

ghost by your side - lovedrug

Remember i told you “in life and death”
Don’t bury our secrets
They will not tear us apart
Because love means going this far
Even when the ending is only the start

If you dive into the ocean then i
Will be the wave around you tonight
And if you’re sinking, then oh, it’s alright
Because i will be the ghost who is at your side

Remember, your demons will surface and fight
But i will be a good phantom
And keep on romancing this cold little devils tribe
And hold them away while you are escaping into the light

So tell me where you’ve gone by now
I’m getting no reception on my heart radio
Now meet me where the angels collide
And i will be the ghost who is at your side

Yeah
Now i’m changing, i’m changing, i’m changing
Oh i’m changing for you now

When you dive into the ocean alive
Oh i will be the ghost at your side
If you fall into the devils tribe
Oh i will be the ghost at your side
And when anywhere the angels collide
Oh i will be the ghost at your side

Now dive into the blinding light

you take your car to work, i’ll take my bike

this morning i experienced one of the more gratifying feelings i have experienced as of late. i rolled out of bed, took a shower, got dressed, threw some supplies for the day in my back pack and set off for work on my bike. now, you have to understand that my bike and i have been spending a fair amount of time together lately, and we are developing a very spiritual bond. she always wants to hang out, and my time with her feeds the soul. its as if two are becoming one.

so i rode down queen anne towards that crazy intersection that is the queen anne u-turn for highway 99. as i approached the line of cars waiting at the five way stop, the feeling set in. i came upon the last car in line, veered to the right and continued to ride on that little piece of road between the trapped vehicles and the curb. i always wonder what goes through the head of those sitting in their cars. i wonder if it is more of a “that jerk biker”, spoken from a place of jealousy because they are staring at the back of the car in front of them with red brake lights illuminated. or maybe it is the thought that runs through my head when i am in my car and a biker rides through: “why am i not on my bike right now?”. i made it through the perilous intersection and down to dexter.

i love riding dexter because there are always other bikers commuting to wherever they may be commuting. so that stretch of pavement becomes the “tour de dexter” and i get to live the dream of being a hardcore rider passing others in a quest for the big finish. granted, those i may be passing on any given morning are out of shape fifty-somethings in spandex bike shorts they probably shouldn’t be allowed to wear, but just let me live my illusion.

then comes the best part. the riding of fifth avenue. i love riding through downtown in general, but this street in the morning lifts my soul (as long as i am on my bike and not in my car). pretty much bumper to bumper, car commuters creep forward in an attempt to make it to work in a timely fashion, and then i get the gratifying feeling of riding between them all, being ever vigilant for the no blinker lane change, and making it to work before most of the car dwellers. its a beautifully gratifying experience.

so, you take your car to work, i’ll take my bike.

expectant silence

“Contemplation is essentially a listening in silence, an expectancy. And yet in a certain sense, we must truly begin to hear God when we have ceased to listen. What is the explanation of this paradox? Perhaps only that there is a higher kind of listening, which is not an attentiveness to some special wave length, a receptivity to a certain kind of message, but a general emptiness that waits to realize the fullness of the message of God within its own apparent void. In other words, the true contemplative is not the one who prepares his mind for a particular message that he wants or expects to hear, but who remains empty because he knows that he can never expect or anticipate the word that will transform his darkness into light. He does not even anticipate a special kind of transformation. He does not demand light instead of darkness. He waits on the Word of God in silence, and when he is “answered” it is not so much by a word that bursts into his silence. It is by his silence itself suddenly, inexplicably revealing itself to him as a word of great power, full of the voice of God.”          

                                                                                                -Thomas Merton

no alibi

“When it comes to the spiritual life, we so easily come up with pretexts for discounting the possibility of ever becoming holy. But the great genius of Saint Paul is the way he strips us of every alibi - there is no excuse for not pursuing sanctity. With an authority like no other, Saint Paul attests that ‘God chose the lowly and despised of the world, those who count for nothing, to reduce to nothing those who are something’ (1 Cor 1:28). This means that no matter how inadequate, deficient, or unworthy I may think I am, the fact is that God has chosen precisely people like me. The Father’s consummate mercy is expressed in the fact that God ‘calls into being what does not exist’ (Rom 4:17)…especially what does not yet exist in my person that God purposefully calls into being so that I will become fulfilled and happy. When I verify the fact that God acts this way in the world, I get filled with an irrepressible hope, and “hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts” (Rom 5:5). What is more, my experience of personal inabliity and anguish becomes a tool for sanctifying others, for God “encourages us in our every affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any affliction with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God’ (2 Cor 1:4)”.

May you remember that you have been chosen by the Almighty God. May you seek sanctity in each moment. May you allow yourself to participate in His calling in to being those things that do not yet exist in your person. Your light will help in the sanctification of those around you.

chalking nor. cal

so i made the trek down to sacramento california this weekend to attend a wedding and to see a certain someone. after tweleve hours of driving, a few hours of sleep, and an afternoon of hanging out with that certain someone, came the news that i was not going to be able to attend the rehearsal dinner as expected. seeing as how everyone i knew in the greater sacramento area was going to be at that dinner, i was a little bummed, but little did i know an adventure was ahead of me. after sitting in the hotel room for a while, not sure what to do or where to go, i took to heart the ninth statement of bruce mau’s incomplete manifesto and decided to just begin anywhere. i went and got in the car and drove, not exactly the first thing i wanted to do after twelve hours of driving, just to see what was around me. after driving a bit, i stopped and walked around wal-mart. an experience that does not happen very often, but i am glad it did this night. after a $2.50 purchase, probably one of my better purchases as of late, i drove back to the hotel, pulled my longboard from the trunk, and with my wal-mart purchase in hand, kicked and pushed to a nearby vacant parking lot. a large expanse of grey pavement was before me, screaming for the beauty of color. i put in my ear buds, put on some album leaf, and began to explore:

     

                                    

     

 that night, a vacant parking lot and chalk helped me find color among grey, to find beauty in darkness. as i laid on the pavement of that vacant parking lot staring at the sky and pondering life, i couldn’t help but theologize. what joy He must find in bringing color in to a seemingly grey and hurting would. what pleasure He must find in making all things new. that night i saw a glimpse of redemption. that night i remembered to look for beauty in every situation.

thank you sacramento for a night of spontaneity!

…

i search
not knowing what for
restlessness
confusion
agitation
i call your name
peace
i search

its a gift

“The condition of life was that we not seek it as a possession, but receive it as a gift.”  — Rubem Alves

Life is a gift. This is not the first thought that came to mind this morning as I woke up after my four short hours of sleep only to realize that I had slept through my alarm and was already fifteen minutes late to work.  After a rushed morning, I made it to work. For a couple months now I have read the daily lectionary when I get to work each morning, which consists of a morning psalm, an old testament passage, a new testament passage, a gospel passage, and an evening psalm. “I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless you, and praise your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; his greatness is unsearchable.” The stresses of the day begin to diminish. I am reminded to praise. New life has been given today, and tomorrow is not promised. New life has been given in this moment, revel in it. Live every moment of this day to the fullest for it has been given as a most precious gift.

what a fun life

recently i have been reminded of what a fun/blessed life i live. in the midst of dreaming about the future and trying to decide what the next steps of life will be, i have been reminded to enjoy the present moment and live the hell out of it. for multiple reasons, this weekend was a great reminder of what a blessed life i live. here they be:

Thursday: barcelona concert with friends and a killer dance party post show. dancing on stage is amazing.

Friday: afternoon of sun, riding my bike all over seattle, friends, and croquet. a night at Carkeek park with rachelle.

Saturday: big breakfast with the boys. an afternoon in the letterpress studio. sitting in the sun reading Dostoevsky. bbq at the greeklake house. more croquet. couch jumping with brandon and les which quickly turned in to couch fighting with the pillows/cushions (pretty sure everyone thought we were crazy). driving to bellevue while listening to Justice. swimming pool/hot tub thanks to ryan peterson.

Sunday: church. longboarding with les, followed by our thoughts on life. some more Dostoevsky in the sun. dinner with christopher grafmiller. a night of arrested development with rachelle.

what a life. note to self: remember to enjoy life moment by moment and not get so caught up in the distractions of the future. remember to enjoy the people that you journey with. remember to dance with reckless abandon. remember to enjoy the simple things. the future will take care of itself, remember to live.